Do you ever feel life’s out to get you? One thing after another relentlessly thrown at you. Stuff keeps going wrong. “I can’t take much more of this!” you cry. Been there?
Life throws tough stuff at all of us and we all need our own coping mechanisms to deal with it. You may go for a walk or run to clear your head; you may do something creative to escape; you may eat chocolate (serotonin levels in dark chocolate can actually act as an effective anti-depressant!). When life stuff throws tough stuff at me, I write about it. Always have done. It helps me process what has happened and how I’m feeling about it.
That’s why I started this blog about depression and anxiety. And, do you know what? It has genuinely been helping me replace my negative thoughts with clearer thinking. As well as helping me personally, I know it’s also been helping lots of other people, simply because they can relate to similar experiences. “Keep blogging!” people tell me. And all the time it’s helping, I will.
This blog is a good thing. But I feel I am being attacked for doing it. It’s almost as if there’s a strange force opposing me every time I blog. I have written three posts now (this is the fourth) and the day after I have published each one, without fail, I have had a car crash. Now, I’m not superstitious in the slightest, but I can’t help but feel life is out to get me here: I do something positive and proactive. I feel hopeful, helpful and encouraged. Then I have a car crash. I feel (quite literally) knocked back down.
Catastrophizing is a common symptom of depression and anxiety; it is an irrational thought a lot of us have in believing that something is far worse than it actually is. I do this a lot. It’s my default setting. I have to make a conscious effort not to see things as all doom and gloom. Depression isn’t a choice, but my attitude is. Bugs Bunny once said:
“Do not take life too seriously – you will never get out of it alive.”
Very good advice. So in an attempt to not take things too seriously, I’m going to turn life into a game. I heard Chris Evans play this game with his listeners on Radio 2 last week. It’s called ‘Upside, Downside’. You identify something in your life that you’re struggling with or not looking forward to (that’s the downside), then you look for the positive in that situation (that’s the upside).
Downside: I had a car crash on the motorway. Upside: Another driver stopped the traffic so I could get my car safely onto the hard shoulder.
Downside: I had to wait on the side of the motorway on my own for over an hour for roadside assistance to come. It was dark and I was freezing cold and hungry. Upside: I knew there was help on the way. A kind man came to my rescue and took me and (what was left of) my car home where my mum and dad were waiting for me with blankets, hot water bottles and a delicious dinner.
Downside: My car is now completely destroyed. Upside: It was already written off and only suitable for scrap anyway because of my previous incidents!
Downside: I have to get a new car. Upside: I’m getting a new car!
Downside: I can’t get to work for a couple of days. Upside: This only frustrates me because I’m very fortunate to have a job I love.
Downside: The crash was the scariest experience of my life and I thought I was going to die. Upside: I didn’t die, and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
“Don’t judge me by my successes. Judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” Nelson Mandela
Life will knock us down at some point. It may even feel like you’re being constantly punched to the ground at times. But you can choose to get back up again. Make life a game of ‘Upside, Downside’. Try it, it really does work! There is always an upside, even if it takes a bit of searching for…
Downside: I don’t have a car at the moment. Upside: It’s impossible for me to have a car crash tomorrow!